She does not understand what I write. I doubt if she has ever tried to read my stories. She gives damn and always tries to divert the conversation when I tell something nice about Nepal to chhori. She always thinks I must go to US or UK or anywhere in the world where I can make dollar. I also give a damn when she tries to talk about working in US and making dollar and buying house, car in Nepal.

“Lekher kehi hunna. (You cant change the world by writing)”, she doesn’t utter but every time I open my computer to write, her face speaks loudly. I always have to look for good timing to talk to chhori about nationality. Chhori now can tell that her country is Nepal and she is a Nepali. I tell you, I have struggled very hard to teach these two important things to my chhori. Yes, to my own chhori.

Didi has very funny (it sounds funny to me) reasons why I should immediately leave Nepal and go to US. Since I have come back from Kenya, she thinks I have gone crazy. So, she wants to make sure, I don’t make my daughter crazy like me.

My sisters:

I almost scream sometime. They are like a gang. A powerful gang who kill people by their words. They have fixed agendas in their life. First, they want to complete their education whatever it is, and find a job, have a good savings, get married, build a house, and make more money. I know the reason behind it. I have also come from the same middle class family, which they belong to. We always had to struggle for our small needs so now; they want to make sure their kids don’t have to face the bitterness we faced.

We meet almost every day. We talk about our carrier every time we meet.

“Ghar ta banaunai parchha”, they suggest me, “Paisa yata uta kharcha garne hoin, jagga kin”

They have more to suggest me, “You should go to US at least for 10 years. If you get green card, why to bother to come back.” And I can’t stand this.

We were in same school, same teachers, same father and same grandfather.


I don’t meet any of my relatives. Relative word does not exist in my life. I have my family. That’s it. However, people claim they are my relatives and when we accidently meet up, they don’t waste the opportunity to give me free advice of leaving Nepal and run away.

“Chhoriko lagi”, as if anything happens to me, they are gonna look after her.


Many of my friends are in abroad now. I know how hard they had tried to go abroad. And I also know, 99% of them are not coming back. And we went same school, we proudly sang the same national songs, we used to talk to change the country. We didn’t do anything to change the school but changed ourselves. What an irony! My best friend in school came from Singapore last month and has been struggling to go somewhere else. Every time I meet her, she says, make some fake hotel management documents and come with me. Do I need to slap her? I think I need. I can’t believe I don’t want to meet her anymore.

I have not done anything big for my country. I don’t think I will be able to do anything significant for my country. But one day I will feel proud that I didn’t change my citizenship for the dollar, for the car, for the easy life. For me, if I had flown away I would have saved myself form the endless social torture but I decided to stay back. Of course, I have gone through extreme depression. Once I wanted to run away, anywhere, even Kuwait. However, I was lucky enough not to get chance and forced {:)} to live here in Nepal.

Have you ever thought why we find Nepal too small? Because we always think ourselves. Build a house, own a car, walk with deep pockets! Is that all one should have in his/her life? Don’t you have to have the things that you did for your country? The passport you use to run away. Common, at least for the sake of the passport.

Why I wanted to run away? Because I needed my life easy. Nobody encouraged me to stay back. In fact, my colleagues wanted a treat. I don’t meet any youth these days who is not desperate to go abroad. Reasons: Political instability, Family pressure, unemployment, so and so. Did you put any effort to change the situation? No, you didn’t. You thought you should wait and the government would come to your door to give you the job and convince your family. You, who never obey the traffic rule, are leaving the country because there is no system. Go to hell. You better fine there.

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3 thoughts on “Monsters!!!

  1. Superlikes for the concept! I have jus watched ur blog as i rarely go through other people’s profile n all that! Liked the simplicity in da design n off course the “Jabardast” self esteeming contents! :)) keep living with own virtues! 🙂

  2. I also returned Nepal after completing my masters in the US about 8 months ago. Still, every now and then I get asked why did I come back. Everyone (except my family) has been asking the question in one way or the other. And, I think I am yet to satisfy one single person with my answer. The reasons I give for coming back have been ‘golmatol’ and I clearly see on the people’s face that they are not satisfied. My identity on this land and feeling of belonging are one of the major reasons for coming back but I rarely tell anyone ‘desh ko maya le farkera aaye’ because no one would believe it. I am loving the life here and work I am doing here yet I don’t think anyone would want to follow my example. That’s the saddest part for me. Lets hope the leaders would lead us to a better society and nation and I would not feel shame to express the love for my country.

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